Transitions in Marriage
Marriage is something most people aspire to. They aspire to find their soul mate and best friend. They feel that they will be happy as soon as they can get married and then life will be effortless and happy forever and ever. But for those of us who have herd the stories of when the reality of marriage hits. When the so called honeymoon period is over and reality starts to set in that you are going to live with this person at least until you die. This new sense of reality often scares couples and causes them to distance themselves from each other and grow apart. But just because this can be the trend does not mean that it has to be the reality for all of us. My goal today is to present the research on early married life and provide tips that can help couples adjust.
Research suggests that one of the problems in early marriage is that people usually have their own private contracts of what they plan on giving and what they expect from a relationship (Laurer and Laurer pg 181). An example of this could be if the husband expects that his wife will clean the house so that when he gets home from work the house is clean. This could be because of the way he was raised. A lot of what determines a person's private and personal contract is the way they were raised and their own family life. This can cause conflict and will eventually cause some form of conflict because no two people have a perfectly matched personal contract as soon as they get married. There are different expectations from the relationship and what they intend to give. The success of the couple's relationship is determined by how they deal with these differing private contracts. In the example of the wife cleaning the house the wife could have the expectation that her husband can share in some of the responsibilities such as doing the dishes. If the husband comes home and sees parts of the house not cleaned he can either get impatient and complain or he can do the dishes and talk about his expectations with his wife and give her a chance to share her's as well. Peace is found as both partners seek to align their contracts by making compromises, exercising patience and being willing to put in effort. The husband can choose to help and be patient if sometimes he has to do more than he would have to in his own home.
Other research also suggests that in the US that marital satisfaction tends to go down after a couple has their first child and continues to go down as the couple has an additional child. One study says that certain acts of love such as approving and complimenting the other partner, discussing their feelings and problems, talking over things that happened during the day, and telling the partner "I love you" decrease by about 40 percent after the beginning of marriage. (Laurer and Laurer pg 187). This happens because couples become so occupied with caring for children, couples begin to feel that they understand each other less and disagree more and they are often too stressed to try to focus on their relationship. Typically husbands feel that they are left out and that they disagree more with their wives. This can all be prevented and marital satisfaction does not have to go down when children enter the home. If the husband feels more involved in prenatal and postnatal endeavors then he will gain a closer bond to the children and feel more involved. The couple also simply has to make the effort to show love and be equally yoked in helping raising the children. Open conversation about feelings and just the happenings of the day. The couple must make efforts to not drift apart.
The marriage relationship between husband and wife is the most important of all relationships. Even as children enter the home it is possible for marital satisfaction to go up as couples make an extra effort to show love and meet each other's needs.
Research suggests that one of the problems in early marriage is that people usually have their own private contracts of what they plan on giving and what they expect from a relationship (Laurer and Laurer pg 181). An example of this could be if the husband expects that his wife will clean the house so that when he gets home from work the house is clean. This could be because of the way he was raised. A lot of what determines a person's private and personal contract is the way they were raised and their own family life. This can cause conflict and will eventually cause some form of conflict because no two people have a perfectly matched personal contract as soon as they get married. There are different expectations from the relationship and what they intend to give. The success of the couple's relationship is determined by how they deal with these differing private contracts. In the example of the wife cleaning the house the wife could have the expectation that her husband can share in some of the responsibilities such as doing the dishes. If the husband comes home and sees parts of the house not cleaned he can either get impatient and complain or he can do the dishes and talk about his expectations with his wife and give her a chance to share her's as well. Peace is found as both partners seek to align their contracts by making compromises, exercising patience and being willing to put in effort. The husband can choose to help and be patient if sometimes he has to do more than he would have to in his own home.
Other research also suggests that in the US that marital satisfaction tends to go down after a couple has their first child and continues to go down as the couple has an additional child. One study says that certain acts of love such as approving and complimenting the other partner, discussing their feelings and problems, talking over things that happened during the day, and telling the partner "I love you" decrease by about 40 percent after the beginning of marriage. (Laurer and Laurer pg 187). This happens because couples become so occupied with caring for children, couples begin to feel that they understand each other less and disagree more and they are often too stressed to try to focus on their relationship. Typically husbands feel that they are left out and that they disagree more with their wives. This can all be prevented and marital satisfaction does not have to go down when children enter the home. If the husband feels more involved in prenatal and postnatal endeavors then he will gain a closer bond to the children and feel more involved. The couple also simply has to make the effort to show love and be equally yoked in helping raising the children. Open conversation about feelings and just the happenings of the day. The couple must make efforts to not drift apart.
The marriage relationship between husband and wife is the most important of all relationships. Even as children enter the home it is possible for marital satisfaction to go up as couples make an extra effort to show love and meet each other's needs.
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