Sexual Intimacy and Family
Many of us remember "the talk". Whether it was from mom or dad, friends or our health teacher we may have felt uncomfortable or uneasy. We may have felt uncomfortable because our parents or teachers may not have known how to teach us about sexuality. As we have gotten older and had our own experiences we may have had difficulties because of the ways that we were taught. Many of these difficulties could have come up because of the way we were taught. The truth of the matter is that many people do not know how to talk about and to teach about sexuality and its aspects. My goal today is to talk about the fallacies of many of the teaching models in sexuality and also offer the proper way to teach children and to lean about sexuality.
First of all, there are many ways that parents and teachers teach sexuality. One of the fallacies that we often see in teaching sexuality is that we often see fear-based metaphors. A fear metaphor is not when parents or teachers use fear to teach others about sexuality. But rather it is when teachers try to use their best intentions but lessons cause fear in the children. Typically this is when teachers teach that sex is something damaging and hurtful. For example, many of us may have been taught about sex through analogies like the following. A teacher shows a beautiful vase and admires its beauty and detail. The teacher then throws it against the wall and shatters it into many pieces. Saying that this is the damage that can be done if we violate our own chastity or the virtue of others by having premarital sex or by engaging in other sexual acts such as masturbation and pornography. This style of teaching is surprisingly common as we may have been taught in this way. The parent or teacher is just trying to show that having premarital sex can be very dangerous and can cause emotional harm and possibly unwanted pregnancy or illness. But the fallacy in this method of teaching is that it fails to teach the beauty and sanctity that physical intimacy is in a marriage. It fails to teach the children that within marriage that sex is a good thing and that it helps couples be close emotionally and physically.
The next common method of teaching physical intimacy is abstinence based metaphors. These metaphors often portray the idea that sex is worth waiting for. Food is often used for these metaphors. For example, a parent may say that if their child can withhold from eating cookies that they can have more later. This is referred to being abstinent before marriage so that we can have a lot more blessings later. This model is more correct than the previous because it does teach clearly that waiting is better and it will bring more joy. But the fault of this model is in what it doesn't consider. It fails to consider that sexuality is more than a physical matter. Sexuality provides opportunities to connect emotionally and spiritually with your spouse. It also can be the a very selfless act.
Now you may be asking how we should teach sexuality to our future or current children. The answer is that there isn't a specific analogy or metaphor. But the most effective way is to just have open conversations. Be willing to answer questions and talk to them about all dimensions of sex and help them understand through open discussion. Analogies fail to teach sexuality in its entirety because they miss the many dimensions that sexuality is. So when we teach our kids remember that open discussion is the most effective way because you have the ability to teach it completely.
Source: Sexual Wholeness in Marriage: An LDS Perspective on Integrating Sexuality and Spirituality
First of all, there are many ways that parents and teachers teach sexuality. One of the fallacies that we often see in teaching sexuality is that we often see fear-based metaphors. A fear metaphor is not when parents or teachers use fear to teach others about sexuality. But rather it is when teachers try to use their best intentions but lessons cause fear in the children. Typically this is when teachers teach that sex is something damaging and hurtful. For example, many of us may have been taught about sex through analogies like the following. A teacher shows a beautiful vase and admires its beauty and detail. The teacher then throws it against the wall and shatters it into many pieces. Saying that this is the damage that can be done if we violate our own chastity or the virtue of others by having premarital sex or by engaging in other sexual acts such as masturbation and pornography. This style of teaching is surprisingly common as we may have been taught in this way. The parent or teacher is just trying to show that having premarital sex can be very dangerous and can cause emotional harm and possibly unwanted pregnancy or illness. But the fallacy in this method of teaching is that it fails to teach the beauty and sanctity that physical intimacy is in a marriage. It fails to teach the children that within marriage that sex is a good thing and that it helps couples be close emotionally and physically.
The next common method of teaching physical intimacy is abstinence based metaphors. These metaphors often portray the idea that sex is worth waiting for. Food is often used for these metaphors. For example, a parent may say that if their child can withhold from eating cookies that they can have more later. This is referred to being abstinent before marriage so that we can have a lot more blessings later. This model is more correct than the previous because it does teach clearly that waiting is better and it will bring more joy. But the fault of this model is in what it doesn't consider. It fails to consider that sexuality is more than a physical matter. Sexuality provides opportunities to connect emotionally and spiritually with your spouse. It also can be the a very selfless act.
Now you may be asking how we should teach sexuality to our future or current children. The answer is that there isn't a specific analogy or metaphor. But the most effective way is to just have open conversations. Be willing to answer questions and talk to them about all dimensions of sex and help them understand through open discussion. Analogies fail to teach sexuality in its entirety because they miss the many dimensions that sexuality is. So when we teach our kids remember that open discussion is the most effective way because you have the ability to teach it completely.
Source: Sexual Wholeness in Marriage: An LDS Perspective on Integrating Sexuality and Spirituality
Comments
Post a Comment